This song has been a sort of theme for me that past week or so. I've struggled a little bit lately to see my but purpose... why I'm here... what I'm doing... where I'm going... how to get where I want to go... etc... My friend Ty introduced me to this song and I've come to love it a ton. It may seem a little ridiculous to others, but it holds a lot of meaning for me. Here are some of those "meanings" as they relate to my life and what's kind of been going on.
The second line sings, "You could run so fast" and I realized that applies to me (not literally, because I actually run really slow. As in, here's a story to illustrate... I had to run a mile in my jogging class the other day and I clocked in at a whopping 9:32.. 4th slowest in my class... yeah smidge bit embarrassing... especially considering my major is PE teaching. Maybe it's true that those who can't do, teach. haha but really, and not to make excuses, but I wasn't at the top of my game. I had been feeling a little sick and I've been having some trouble with my hip... so maybe next time I'll get that up a bit) but "You could run so fast" does apply to me because I realized that I've been trying to run from everything. And apparently I'm a pretty fast runner figuratively. Running away, not letting anything catch up with me. Refusing to admit it if it does. I've been doing a pretty good job at being "that speed train... still on the run" not slowing down for anything or taking time to really notice my surroundings. I think to some degree, a little afraid to live in the moment. I've been tending lately to "crash right in and then just move along." Doing new things but not really trying them out long enough to learn anything or see where it takes me. An example is with my calling. It came on fast and I just tried to jump right in. But I haven't really stuck with it much. I've seemed to just move right on. So I've tried to fix that a little this week. Baby steps are still steps, right? And even though baby steps are all I managed this week, I've still made progress. Stopping to talk to girls in the ward when I see them on campus, even if it means being late to class. Going to visit different sisters, even though it seemed I needed the time for homework. Taking time to really listen and seek to be an answer to prayers. Trying to send some little pick-me-up texts. Inviting my roommates to hold roommate prayer. Praying for the gift of discernment and to know who and how to help. It's still good to crash right in. Go all in. But don't just move along. Stay in for a while and see what difference you can make.
The next line, "You can slow down babe but you just can't wait," was a perfect line of advice for me this week. I should learn to slow down a little. I don't have to run so fast or move along too quickly. But I can't just wait either. But slowing down isn't waiting. Slowing down isn't being stagnant. When we racing through life we miss a ton. When we wait, we lose our progression, and still miss out on a lot. But if we slow down, we maintain forward momentum but are able to take everything in. "Don't you see? You can try to fight it, but it's meant to be." We are meant to slow down. That was the message I needed to hear this week. I can keep fighting what's going on around me. I can keep trying to run away from it all. Or I can open my eyes and see that I'm meant to slow down. Slow down and take time to focus on what really matters (see President Uchtdorf's talk http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/10/of-things-that-matter-most?lang=eng) I've tried to apply that this week. At work I tried taking a little step back, slowing it down, and seeing what I could learn. The results were awesome. I learned so much from my missionaries, training meetings, and prep time. The Lord taught me that sometimes slowing down, actually speeds things up. I experienced that with school too. I have been running so fast trying to stay on top of it all but just kept falling further and further behind. So I took a new approach this week. I just took it real slow and once I stopped fighting it, everything just fell into place. I had a chemistry test that I was freaking out about but I made myself slow down. I took time out of my studying to visit some friends, do some acts of service, and take time to have a little fun. And apparently it was meant to be because I got 88 on my Chem test and felt super great about it. My other classes are also going surprisingly well. Even though the tortoise is slow, he still finishes the race, right? That's been my experience this week. Slow down, but don't wait. Take it a little slower but don't give up. It will all work out. Slowing down doesn't actually make things go slower, it just gives you more stamina to keep going.
The second line sings, "You could run so fast" and I realized that applies to me (not literally, because I actually run really slow. As in, here's a story to illustrate... I had to run a mile in my jogging class the other day and I clocked in at a whopping 9:32.. 4th slowest in my class... yeah smidge bit embarrassing... especially considering my major is PE teaching. Maybe it's true that those who can't do, teach. haha but really, and not to make excuses, but I wasn't at the top of my game. I had been feeling a little sick and I've been having some trouble with my hip... so maybe next time I'll get that up a bit) but "You could run so fast" does apply to me because I realized that I've been trying to run from everything. And apparently I'm a pretty fast runner figuratively. Running away, not letting anything catch up with me. Refusing to admit it if it does. I've been doing a pretty good job at being "that speed train... still on the run" not slowing down for anything or taking time to really notice my surroundings. I think to some degree, a little afraid to live in the moment. I've been tending lately to "crash right in and then just move along." Doing new things but not really trying them out long enough to learn anything or see where it takes me. An example is with my calling. It came on fast and I just tried to jump right in. But I haven't really stuck with it much. I've seemed to just move right on. So I've tried to fix that a little this week. Baby steps are still steps, right? And even though baby steps are all I managed this week, I've still made progress. Stopping to talk to girls in the ward when I see them on campus, even if it means being late to class. Going to visit different sisters, even though it seemed I needed the time for homework. Taking time to really listen and seek to be an answer to prayers. Trying to send some little pick-me-up texts. Inviting my roommates to hold roommate prayer. Praying for the gift of discernment and to know who and how to help. It's still good to crash right in. Go all in. But don't just move along. Stay in for a while and see what difference you can make.
The next line, "You can slow down babe but you just can't wait," was a perfect line of advice for me this week. I should learn to slow down a little. I don't have to run so fast or move along too quickly. But I can't just wait either. But slowing down isn't waiting. Slowing down isn't being stagnant. When we racing through life we miss a ton. When we wait, we lose our progression, and still miss out on a lot. But if we slow down, we maintain forward momentum but are able to take everything in. "Don't you see? You can try to fight it, but it's meant to be." We are meant to slow down. That was the message I needed to hear this week. I can keep fighting what's going on around me. I can keep trying to run away from it all. Or I can open my eyes and see that I'm meant to slow down. Slow down and take time to focus on what really matters (see President Uchtdorf's talk http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/10/of-things-that-matter-most?lang=eng) I've tried to apply that this week. At work I tried taking a little step back, slowing it down, and seeing what I could learn. The results were awesome. I learned so much from my missionaries, training meetings, and prep time. The Lord taught me that sometimes slowing down, actually speeds things up. I experienced that with school too. I have been running so fast trying to stay on top of it all but just kept falling further and further behind. So I took a new approach this week. I just took it real slow and once I stopped fighting it, everything just fell into place. I had a chemistry test that I was freaking out about but I made myself slow down. I took time out of my studying to visit some friends, do some acts of service, and take time to have a little fun. And apparently it was meant to be because I got 88 on my Chem test and felt super great about it. My other classes are also going surprisingly well. Even though the tortoise is slow, he still finishes the race, right? That's been my experience this week. Slow down, but don't wait. Take it a little slower but don't give up. It will all work out. Slowing down doesn't actually make things go slower, it just gives you more stamina to keep going.
"Right here... This is where you're meant to be" has come to mean a lot to me this week. I've learned so much. I think for a long time, I've just been wanting to get away. Get out. Be anywhere but here. Doing anything but this. But not actually having any idea of where I would go or what I would do. Having dreams of "touching the sun" but knowing that I'd probably "never kiss the sky". I kept saying if I could just get out of Provo, even for a day, things would be better. But I went to Brigham and nothing really looked up at all. And yeah, a lot lately it's "haunted me... wishing I could be there" in the Philippines. Or anywhere but here. But I've learned that wile I can "fly away if I want to. It would be a new view... but it would be the same air." A new place, perhaps a different pace, but really nothing would change. Same air. Same feeling of discontent. Because the change I was needing really wasn't a change of scenery or situation... I needed a change of attitude. General Conference helped me a lot with this idea. There were many talks that just seemed to be directed right to me telling me, "Right here... this is where you're meant to be." Telling me that I needed to change my attitude. If I wasn't content with being here, I better ask and find out why I'm here. Or I better just paste on the smile and live in such a way so that I soon became the smile. If I still didn't find out why I'm here, then just press on in faith knowing that there is One who knows and trusting that He is in control. Conference had some messages for me about not seeking to have your circumstances changed but having the power to change yourself and view your circumstances in a new light. Elder Bednar's talk really helped me as he talked about gratitude. He said gratitude is to be rich in contentment. Should I not be more grateful? I have SO much to be grateful for. If I applied that gratitude, I would be more content with where I am and the circumstances I'm in and have greater capacity to improve my circumstances rather than wait for them to be improved for me. Or from Elder Holland's talk that our Heavenly Father wants us to be happy and has given us all sorts of tools and resources to have greater hope and happiness in our lives. He wasn't us to be happy where we are and hopeful for good things ahead. Or how many talks there were about being a lifelong missionary - one thing I learned on my mission was that you had to be content with where you were at. You had to love the area, love the people among who you served, love your companion. Am I not simply on a lifelong mission right now? Should I not apply the same principles. Love where I'm at, love the people that I'm surrounded by. I thought of the scripture story in Alma 17 - Ammon is speaking of his "mission" and says, "Yea, I desire to dwell among this people for a time; yea, and perhaps until the day I die... and I will be thy servant" and even as difficult circumstances arise it says that Ammon's "heart was swollen within him with joy" and he tells his brethren, "be of good cheer". I love Ammon's attitude. He knows he is where he's supposed to be and he seeks to be joyful and cheerful in order to improve his circumstances. What a wonderful life-time missionary example. And that's what I'm striving to apply now. I've realized that this is where I'm meant to be. I'm not going to run or fight it anymore. And I'm going to live in the moment with a smile on my face. After all, "Life is meant to be enjoyed, not just endured." - President Gordon B. Hinckley.
